13 March, 2006

Another important email from my boss.....

The US government has a new website, http://www.ready.gov. displaying public service symbols for terrorism readiness, in the tradition of the old "duck and cover" campaigns after WWII. The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything! Here are a few guesses about what they mean:

If you have set yourself on fire, do not run.

If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are bald, yell really loud.

If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder.

If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.

Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!

The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one armless hand.

Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the f*** away.

Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.

Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.

If a door is closed, karate chop it open.

If your building collapses, cower under a desk and kiss your ass goodbye.

Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile.

After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.

If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.

If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, it is a psychological terror attack. Cower in the corner or run like hell.

If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.

If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.

If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.

Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.

A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation. Always carry one!


Blogger Alice said...

Just to be picky, whilst still laughing - that power pole is protruding from the car's bonnet, not hood.

8:31 pm  
Blogger Tanya said...

Depends where you are. It's an American email. There is no right or wrong.

9:54 pm  
Blogger Surfing Free said...

Very funny! Whoevr draws these things must have a good sense of humour .. or a strange sense of urgency. I really like the ones where the man stands there and just ponders things ... "Hmmm, dead fish. Is it the work of terrorists who would destroy our American way of life by slaughtering our free and democratic wildlife??".

6:55 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ROTFLMAO *gasping for air*

11:35 am  
Blogger Abandoned in Pasadena said...

These are so hilarious. I just can't stop laughing. You have made my day.

11:36 am  
Blogger Wendy A said...

Gotta wonder about the genius who sits in a desk thinking these things up. They are almost as clear and understandable as the parking signs down here in Tasmania.

7:52 pm  
Blogger Val said...

I don't know whether I should be laughing at the commentary (so good! my face is hurting from laughing), or crying because these ridiculous cartoons were created by someone who was probably pretty serious about them. Tell me these are not for real!

Wendy, you reminded me of the last time we were in Tasmania, 25 years ago, and yes! the traffic signs there were, and apparently still are, really bizarre.

8:18 pm  
Blogger Tanya said...

Val, I wondered too, so I checked out the website. Yes, they are for real!! Maybe not the comments, but the pictures sure are.

8:46 pm  
Blogger Val said...


I just looked at these again, and again I am laughing my head off. What COULD they have been thinking?

10:04 am  
Blogger Kimmy said...

HA! That is too funny! Scary that they are real... but TOO FUNNY!

1:52 pm  
Blogger Scouser said...

Wonderful. A few of those would make for an excellent caption contest. My Thursday 13 are up. Also as an asside (although more importantly), I'm being extremely forward in anouncing that the Little Andy charity event can now accept online donations from anybody who would like to help.

9:35 pm  
Blogger Val said...

This the Other Val from UK. Great captions, which seem very probable. In fact, its difficult to imagine what the real messages would be. And where they would be placed??? Thanks for the laughs Tanya.

4:23 am  
Blogger Kerri said...

Thanks for the laughs Tanya. I needed them. These are hilarious.
I've spent 2 nights trying to publish a post and Blogger is being most uncooperative. You're right...Blogger sucks!

3:55 pm  

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