01 February, 2006


The other day I bought myself real swimmers and real goggles. Meaning swimmers that won't start falling down my arms as soon as I dive in a pool, and goggles that aren't my scuba diving mask. They have sat in a bag, along with a towel, in the boot of my car for a week. Today I thought it was about time they started paying for themselves. So I went to a pool after work. I really wanted to turn around and go home, but the car seemed to be heading towards the pool on its own. I didn't even know where the pool was, but I ended up there without having to look at the map. Maybe my car is really clever - and is really telling me that my fat ass needs some exercise. But. The stupid car picked the filthiest pool in town. That may be partly my fault - I should have bought black tinted goggles instead of clear - then I wouldn't be able to identify every bug, bandaid, hair tie and you-don't-want-to-KNOW-what-else on the bottom of the pool. Worse - a lot of this debris was neutrally bouyant (scuba-dive speak for hovering in the middle of the water column) so I had to swim through it - staying on top of the water seems to be an issue for me. It was kinda cool, though because it wasn't crowded at all. There was only me and one other guy in my lane so I could go as slow as was necessary (very slow was very necessary), and pretty much take up the whole lane. However, I had to stay at opposite ends of the pool from this guy because at one point I was taking a break (okay, each time I touched the wall I had to stop) and the guy swam up behind me and stopped, panted and then kept going. And his breath was easily the worst breath I have ever smelled in my entire life. No lie. And I used to be a dental assistant! The second time I saw him approach, I thought, "nah, it wasn't that bad" - then I passed out. I think when I came to, he was half way down the pool again. The third time, I wasn't taking any chances - I actually took a deep breath before he reached the wall, then went under water! And stayed under water for a good ten seconds, examining strands of hair and flakes of skin, until I knew he was gone.

Note to self: find a cleaner pool. Avoid smelly swimmers. Swim as fast as this chick by next month.


Blogger shellyC said...

Next time wear socks too so you don't have to stand on anything gross!!!!

5:27 am  
Blogger Alice said...

And just when I had thought of going to the pool today....

Guess I'll have to give you some swimming lessons in how to go fast and avoid swimmers with halitosis ... lol.

I'm sure there must be a cleaner pool in Townsville SOMEWHERE. Hopefully, you can find it before you get dragged under by the debris!!!

5:56 am  
Blogger Wendy A said...

Public pools are really rude. I just can't imagine how anyone would want to be a swim instructor at a public facility. I just can't get my mind around it.

6:13 am  
Blogger Kerri said...

Tanya, you're hilarious! Thanks for the great chuckle :) Just what I needed after working all day. I wrote a reply to your 'reply' but can't send it because I don't have your email address. If you'll send me a quick email to kerrispoon@netzero.net I'll be able to shoot mine off to you.
Keep up the good writing and hope you find a cleaner place to swim :)

7:44 am  

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